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If you haven’t experienced one, you will have witnessed one. A child having a temper tantrum can challenge even the calmest of parents. Things can be fine one minute and the next it appears that an unknown being has inhabited your child. Knowing what to do can be the difference between you throwing one yourself and it being a growing experience.

What a tantrum IS

• Loss of control of feelings

• Inability to express a problem in words

• Lack of problem-solving skills

• Normal stage in child development

What a tantrum IS NOT

• A deliberate attempt to make your life hell

• Deliberately designed to embarrass you in public

Why do children have tantrums?

Because they work! Giving in to tantrums means your child learns that the best way to get what they want is to have a tantrum – this will just make tantrums occur more often and for longer periods of time.

Tips for cutting down tantrums

1. Set appropriate boundaries and limits – make it clear to your child what behaviours are expected.

2. Consistency

3. Predictability

4. Routine

5. Avoid negative words – constantly saying “no” will add to your child’s frustration. Instead use phrases like “later”, or “after lunch”.

6. Help children ask for what they need by putting it into words. For example “Mum, can I please have …..”

7. Offer realistic choices by being prepared to follow through on your child’s choice.

8. Use positive parenting – give plenty of praise and attention for helpful and appropriate behaviour you want to keep seeing from your child, for example “Well done Tommy, it’s great when you use your manners”.

Learning how to tackle tantrums is an invaluable tool that will prevent you from feeling like you want to tear your hair out.

How much easier would life be if you felt more confident managing tantrums?

Kindly refer :

Temper Tantrums

安潇经历了好几年的折磨,才总结出来这一套应对尖叫崩溃的高需求宝宝的行为方式,用这个方法她安抚了孩子,保护了自己的情绪,又坚持了原则不妥协。

以下九大步骤是小小总结

1. 想办法预期到可能引起情绪的情景,提前准备,尽量避免

2. 不因为孩子尖叫哭喊就

改变原则

3. 不因为孩子崩溃哭喊就怒吼训斥

4. 不在孩子崩溃哭泣的时候和她讲道理

5. 不因为孩子哭闹而抛弃孩子走开

6. 给孩子合理的、有安抚感的选项,但接受孩子的拒绝。

7. 孩子拒绝了选项以后,就不再互动,进入“静止人”模式

8. 在孩子给出合理指令时,立刻执行

9. 在孩子完全快乐起来之后,再一起回忆和讲道理

总结一下这个行为的过程:

1. 事先预想到孩子可能崩溃的情景,提前准备、尽量避免。

2. 清楚地告诉孩子,不合理的要求不能执行。

3. 孩子发怒崩溃哭喊的时候,不对孩子怒吼、不走开、不说理。

4. 平静地给孩子一些合理的、又具有安抚感的选项。

5. 孩子拒绝选项以后,想办法抽离自己的情绪,不说话不互动,进入“静止人”状态,只安静等待,脑子里想一些别的能让自己平静的事。

6. 当孩子接受合理选项、或者自己提出新的合理要求时,爸妈立刻去执行,以此让孩子得到安慰。

7. 孩子刚刚平静时,不要立即回顾事件。当情绪完全恢复之后,再用语言回顾整件事,讲道理、让孩子了解自己的情绪、学习到什么要求是合理的、什么是不合理的、应该如何表达自己的要求。

但愿我们都能在关键的时刻自如开启“情绪的抽离模式”,这个能力真的很重要,可以不让自己的心情卷入别人的情绪旋涡中。

如果一开始觉得很难,随着有意识的“刻意练习”,会越来越容易做到。

不动气,才真的是善待自己,当妈不容易,我们最需要小心呵护自己的情绪。

陪伴高需求宝宝是一个炼炉,最终会把我们打磨成通透的、以柔制刚的、乐观的珍珠妈妈。

请参考她的故事

https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/jgZ942XszBq_ljX1FY0z3Q